Sunday, 17 December 2006 (My birthday =< )

Second post on the same day..just trying to make up for the days when i will be in Hong Kong and not posting.
Spenind my birthday with family today. I think for the past 22 years have been spending my birthday, cos apparently they are the only people who would remember my birthday without any reminder. i think every birthday to me is like a period of reflection and a period for me to set my goals and aims i suppose.

I think one of the thing i remember most should be last year bah..21 birthday is supposedly something of great significance to chinese. It marks freedom and a turning point in life. it also meant a farewell to childhood and a "HELLO" to the adulthood. I still remember last year was rather hurt during my birthday period bah.. I remembered someone asking me out on my birthday but to celebrate someone else's belated birthday and advance birthday. I wonder at times which is worse, to be forgotten or to be ignored? would it be worse is people just forget your birthday or is it worse for people to know your birthday and just ignore it? I do not know, i tink all that i noe is that neither is a good feeling. maybe it would not be that bad if its any birthday other than 21st? or maybe i m just being too sensitive,in any sense they also dunno me well enough bah, so can't blame anyone. I suppose that is to justify why this year i purposely go round asking for presents, constantly reminding people of my birthday, making my birthday known to everyone and being super thick-skin. To me, presents don't really matter much to me, i don't mind not recieving any presents as long as i know that you acknowledge my existence.

I have already forgotten what actually happened last year, but i can still feel that feeling i felt then bah.. maybe i m just too emotional or something, but to me the feeling is as fresh as its only a few hours ago. It is only then , that i promised myself that i would never let it happen again...NEVER! .. Thats why i used the fastest and most extreme method of making myself know by taking a first step. Using what i think is the best way of making frens by appearing in almost all functions, making my presence felt, initiating conversation , and have a very loud and impressionable image to let people remember me bah.. so that this year it would not be as sad as last year. I suppose you can call this the highest level of self deciet.. but i don't mind.. or i tink so..But i must say i m rather successful bah.. Really thank you to all of you who gave me present or wished me happy birthday.. You don't know how grateful i am with regards to that.

Looking out into the rain on my birthday, i don't know why but i just feel a sudden weight in me..and keep listening to the song 祝我生日快乐 is not helping i suppose.. i dunno why but i liked the song very much.. cos somehow it just so similar to me bah.. and i think its also that song that gave me inspiration about this post ..somehow just got reminded of last year. I remember got one saying, " When you enter this world, everyone around you are smiling and you are the only one crying, when you leave this world, hopefully, everyone around you is crying and you are the only one smiling." Sometimes i just wonder, should i just drop dead and die one day, how many people would really cry and be affected? In the end i can only draw the conclusion that only my family members would..
Anyway special thanks to the following people who wished me "Happy birthday" in order of the earliest to latest: ZhenNi, Weili, Sheau Jiuan, Jeff, Bradron, JunJie,Yingli,YingXian. Jasmine, Joyce, HongBee, MingKeong,Jonzz,Jingsi,AiLing,Anqi..Belated(haha):Minghui, Paul